Team Updates!

Hi Fellow Artivists!

We’re having a cast Zoom Meeting  on Sunday, April 19th at 1pm!!
Deb will email you the zoom link shortly!!


This is a section of our website dedicated to communication with the current cast & team to update everyone about planning steps, news and exciting announcements! Please check here for that kind of info while we are in rehearsal/prep process for our performances. (Important information about show postponement below.)

Hi Beautiful HOWLers!!
Deb and I have been in close communication with the 4thU staff and each other about proceeding with the show during this cautious time. We have decided we must postpone until the Fall.
The Fourth Universalist Society has decided to cancel all 4thU functions (including Sunday Service and 4thU Artivist productions) until April 5th. We all need to be careful to reduce exposure in public places, large crowds, restaurants, etc. and taking extra precaution to wash our hands when entering a new environment. This illness can be scary for those who are immune-compromised in any way and social distancing is a priority for our highly-populated city.
As for “How We Love/F*ck” – THANK YOU for all the work you’ve been doing to make this show a huge success. We’re just going to have to postpone the show dates. I will update our website and we will email our committed audience shortly. I really hope you consider staying with us into the Fall when we’re able to pick up rehearsals again!
We will honor refunds for anyone who asks and we will also honor any tickets purchased to be rescheduled for November 5th, 6th or 7th.
We’d like to hold some time at 1pm on Sunday) to meet over Zoom in order to talk through logistics and answer all questions about refunds. This shouldn’t take more than 30 minutes and we will also offer an extra hour for a sharing circle if people feel like it would be helpful to share about their experience in a safe space (online!)
We should be able to have a new Fall rehearsal schedule confirmed within the next few weeks.
Join the 1pm Sunday Zoom meeting here:
Your help, understanding and support during this interesting moment makes all the difference! The experience of “social distancing” is difficult for us – we are social beings, we yearn for connection, for closeness, for hugs and kisses, for handshakes and high fives. Being together physically is how most of us New Yorkers are used living! So during this period when we are being asked to keep a physical distance from one another, remember, we are all still connected, we are all still a community. A sacred thread connects us all, a thread of love. Please keep in touch in this challenging time.
Be Safe,
Erin & Deb
Erin Bigelow is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.
Topic: Artivist Zoom Meeting
Time: Mar 15, 2020 01:00 PM Eastern Time (US and Canada)
Join Zoom Meeting
Meeting ID: 572 021 106
Find your local number:
Updated Flier!


Important Note:
It turns out that both Legal Momentum and VDay will no longer be beneficiaries for our upcoming show in March.
We are still supporting VDay and One Billion Rising events, they are just asking all productions to donate directly to local beneficiaries.
Legal Momentum will be attending as they can, but for this one show they are not able to be an active beneficiary due to untimely circumstances.
So that means that Sakhi will be getting 100% of our net proceeds!

This is the new poster:


V-Day/One Billion Rising Events Coming Up:

Mon., February 3 at 633 3rd Ave., 12 PM – 1:30 PM – Details at:
WOMEN RESTAURANT WORKERS & ALLIES PROTEST Gov. Cuomo’s exclusion of restaurants from tipped worker executive action by engaging in mass public self-defense training (If you’re able to go, let me know)

Fri., February 14 at Columbus Circle, 12:30-1:30 Details at:
1 BILLION RISING NYC 2020 one of our A-Team, Carolina has organized a flashmob in conjunction with OBR actions around the world that day (check out the OBR website for videos of past Risings). A bunch of us are going, and there’s also a dance party on Feb. 10th from 6-8pm to teach you the Break the Chain dance – details HERE!

Introducing all of the “Team Leaders” and how you all can work with them:

  • Lou & Sunflower – Publicity/Marketing—share on all social media; let them know if you have contacts in TV/radio/print media.  They’ll be sending out Guidelines for Social Media posting shortly.
  • Brie and Nancy – collecting silent auction prizes… any services, not too pricey, like yoga, massage, theater tickets, etc., and anything tangible that fits in the palm of your hand (like jewelry)!
  • Lynn – collecting program ads – hit up anyone you know who has their own business AND/OR your family to do a personal “tribute” ad
  • Katherine – A-Café donations – contact her to donate any sweet or savory finger food to sell
  • Melissa – Artivist coffee hour coordinator… we sponsor the coffee hour after service on Sun., March 15th and invite Artivists to donate goodies so it’s not just boring bagels!
  • Eric — coordinating raffle ticket selling – $1/tickets, winner gets 1/4 of the pot.  See him at meetings and rehearsals to get tickets to sell
  • Art Curating – see Erin if you or friends have artwork to display and sell
  • Jill and Lynn – spiritual/emotional support
  • Erin — Bio & headshot collector – she’ll be emailing soon with guidelines
  • Deb – Night-of Volunteers – let me know if you have family/friends who can come an hour early and stay ½ later to help with the V-Fair – they see the show for free!

A-teamers who volunteered for these important jobs – thanks to all of you!!

  • Sam — “streetwalking” to post fliers in the neighborhood and solicit program ads, auction donations, wine/food donations… contact her if you can help
  • Stephanie and MattLegislation/Petition signing
  • Wanda – wine donations – contact her if you’re able to donate wine for the A-Fair (she’ll also be making buttons to sell at the A-Fair)
  • Eric – cast party food/drink coordinator – you’ll hear more about that soon!
  • Darya and Maria – printing fliers ** I’ll be sending all fliers -various sizes of the R-rated and PG versions – in a separate email so everyone can print if they want, too!
  • Darya – photographing tech/dress rehearsal AND head shots for anyone who needs one… after the first 2 rehearsals @5pm

4) Scheduled a CRAFTS NIGHT for Saturday, March 14th at from 5-9pm at Erin’s apt! (you’ll get details from her closer to the date)

  • we’ll make chocolate vagina pops and any other craft ideas anyone has… crocheted vagina pins, t-shirts, etched glasses
  • we have leftover pussy hats and vagina bookmarks
  • If you want to be reimbursed for any crafts projects, check with Deb or Erin first; otherwise any crafts expenses will be considered a donation

5) Erin updated us on some “on-stage” details:

  • HWL/F is a staged reading – script is to be read from pink cards
  • Everyone will learn the new VDay dance, which will happen at the end of the show
  • Show will run ~ 2 hours, with a 10-minute intermission (7:00-9:00pm)


We had and amazing afternoon of auditions on Sunday, 1/12/20!
Welcome to our new “How We Love/F*ck” Cast!!!


Thank you soooo much for every beautiful soul who showed up to audition for this exciting new show about SEX!! ❤ We’re starting off strong with a cast of 28 beautifully unique voices and we’re still accepting submissions! If you or someone you know still wants to be involved and can commit to our schedule (below) please invite them to email us ( and I’ll do my best to squeeze them in!!

How We Love/F*ck Important Dates
Sunday, Jan 12th – 2:30-4:30p – How We Love Auditions (160 CPW, Gym)
Sunday, Jan 26th – 1:00-3:30p – How We Love Production Meeting (160 CPW, Sanctuary)
Sunday, Feb 2nd – 1:00-5:00p – How We Love Rehearsal (160 CPW, Sanctuary)
Wednesday, Feb 12th – 6:30-9:00p – Production Meeting (270 Riverside Dr. @ 99th St.)
Sunday, Feb 16th – 1:00-5:00p – How We Love Rehearsal (160 CPW, Sanctuary)
Sunday, March 1st – 1:00-5:00p – How We Love Rehearsal (160 CPW, Sanctuary)
Sunday, March 8th – 1:00-3:30p – How We Love Production Meeting (160 CPW, Sanctuary)
Sunday, March 15th – 1:00-5:00p – How We Love Rehearsal (160 CPW, Sanctuary)
Sunday, March 15th –10:00-1:00 – Artivist-sponsored Coffee Hour (160 CPW, Sanctuary)*
Wednesday, March 18th – 6:00-10:00p – Tech/Dress Rehearsal (160 CPW, Sanctuary)
Thursday, March 19th – call time: 5:30-9:30p – 7pm Performance 1 (160 CPW, Sanctuary)
Friday, March 20th – call time: 6:00-9:30p – 7pm Performance 2 (160 CPW, Sanctuary)
Saturday, March 21st – call time: 6:00-10:00p – 7pm Performance 3 (160 CPW, Sanctuary)
Sunday, March 22nd – 2:00-5:00p – HWLF Cast Party!! (270 Riverside Dr. @ 99th St.)

Please tell us of any known conflicts you have. Otherwise, please plan to be present and on-time for all Rehearsals and Meetings.
Presence for Tech/Dress and all 3 Performances (3/19-3/21) is required to be in cast.


NOTE: If we’re told 3 days ahead of time, childcare will be available for all performers on the nights of the Tech/Dress rehearsal and both nights of the show.


Sides for Auditions:

A well-known sexologist, leads masturbation workshops for women, 89 years old.  She’s wearing an old grey housecoat. She’s extremely blunt and enjoys pushing buttons.

I grew up in Wichita Kansas and I moved to New York in 1950. I was making good money for a kid as a fashion illustrator, but I couldn’t wait to get to New York to study art.

After I got here my uncle took me to the Metropolitan and to the Modern, and he said which way do you want to paint? This way or that way? I said the Metropolitan the modern art is (makes grossed out sound). Boy, but when I saw Tintoretto up those stairs and there was (laughs) Venus and Mars and she was pressing her tittie (cups her breast) and there was like little stars coming out of it (demonstrates stars with hands) I thought I’d died and gone to heaven.

I’d never seen an oil painting on that scale. I wanted to do the nude. Oh, beautiful beautiful bodies. I want the nude body. I’ve got a body, you’ve got one. The body is the most interesting thing of all. So, I ended up, after doing the nude nude nude nude nude nude in all my paintings, doing Bodysex workshops now to teach women about orgasm and about their bodies.

If we don’t know our own bodies and if we don’t understand our own genitals and what kind of touch turns us on, what are we going to do with a partner?




Writer, mid-late 30s. Anita is sensual and thoughtful and has really big expressive eyes.

We’ve been raised in a patriarchal society that’s a Judeo Christian… that shames the body and shames femininity and I get all of that and I’ve looked at that for a long time and what’s underneath that too is there is a place for the sanctity and the sacredness of lovemaking.

You know even in the Judeo-Christian tradition or the old Judaism and the Kabala there’s this term the Holy of Holies, the sanctum sanctorum. Which actually corresponded to the female genitals, it’s actually an illusion to the most holy place which is the temple, and many other religions and mystic traditions have the same idea. So, the chalice, you know, the red chalice or the Mary Magdalen cup, the Holy Grail, these are references to the womb, to the vagina. In Hinduism, it’s the yoni or the matrix of life means sacred temple.

So, I think at the same time there was all this shaming around it, maybe originally it was meant to protect the sanctity of this space, and that it doesn’t need to be exposed to the world. That there are certain things that should be held secret and private and sacred. There’s a balance here… can we find just a healthy respect for and reverence for ourselves, at the same time not shaming or repressing?




Director of Operations at Unbound, 29. She’s intelligent and perceptive and smiles easily.

The first time I had an orgasm I don’t think I realized that’s what it was. I started masturbating at around twelve, but no one had given the vocabulary to describe what was going on. Something rubbed against my clit when I was younger and I was just like okay I guess I’ll keep rubbing it you know. One I didn’t realize I was masturbating and number two I didn’t realize that feeling of being highly satisfied was an orgasm. Those are not things they’re going to teach you in sex ed. They’re not things most 13-year-olds or 12-year-olds are going to run to their parents and be like so something happened I’d like to talk about it. And I don’t think many adults are empowered to have that conversation.

In high school I spent so much time trying to be this perfect Muslim and, as a result, there wasn’t any way I was going to come out as queer even if I had the vocabulary. Because being Muslim and in this town was already a lot to deal with and then the Muslim community that I grew up in was like more conservative and then everyone would talk about how I was such a good representative of the community and ‘oh good Muslim girls don’t go on dates’. You know all this other crap which is utter BS because so many Muslims do date.

When I got to college, I ended up connecting with a very positive queer community. Being around professors and people who were able to give me the correct language and resources to explore who I was.




Sex Educator, Author of Urban Tantra, writer, late 60s – early 70s.
She  smiles and laughs easily.

I tell people… I’ll give you the example of kink, people will be oh you know I don’t mind a little spanking but I would never want fill in the blank… uh to be lit on fire. And the minute I hear them name that thing they would never want to do, with only a couple of exceptions I’ll go they’ll be doing it within two years. And two years later I’ll go yep I knew that was going to be your biggest turn on.

There are a few things that don’t fall into that category. Being thrown up on, being shat on, and being peed on. Well, being peed..mmm-but the other two if they’re turn offs they usually stay turn-offs. But other interests like I’ll never want to be flogged, I’ll never want to be whipped, I’ll never want to be suspended by rope, I’ll never want to be pierced, whatever, about a year or two years later…

Here’s a little clue for do I want to engage in this or do I not, when your head is like fucking with you, just notice if you’re watching it, or watch it in porn, or watch it in a demo, or watch it in an instructional video, whatever it is, are you moving in like this? Or are you doing this? If you’re backing up, not now, don’t do that now. Ask the mind to take a step backward, so that the body can speak.




            She’s thoughtful and relaxed.
My current profession is a stripper. I work about 30 hours a week almost and I guess I spend most of my time doing that or dealing with the effects of that in my life. It’s very quick large sums of money but there’s an emotional price that I pay for it. I don’t really know what I want or need as far as my sexuality is concerned.

In a strip club, I go up to guys and I have to quickly read them in a split second to figure out what narrative does he need to hear and how can I make myself a chameleon to fit into that. But a club that invites all types of patrons, all types of people are there to support the expression of each performer’s sexuality would be a dream come true.

There would be no house fees, there would be no tip outs to men in suits that don’t do shit. There would be body positivity all different bodies, shapes, and variations of genders. There would be an environment that supports the expression of that person or actor’s sexuality. Not so much what are you gonna put on that could make my sexuality feel fulfilled as a patron. That’s the big difference.



      17 years old.
I’m 17. A coworker and I are ushering for a theatre show. We’re standing next to each other in the dark, on a little side ramp looking out over the play and the audience. He’s so close to me and I feel wildly turned on.

I move a little closer, subtly. After a few moments he adjusts and moves further away. I move closer again. It’s as if my body is magnetized to his energy. He again moves away. I’m completely overwhelmed by the need for my body to touch his body and I can’t help it. I move closer again. This time he can’t move away. He’s right on the edge of the space we’re in.

I let the pleasure radiate and wash over me. I’m paralyzed with desire. After the play, we get in the elevator and I work up the courage to ask him if he’d like to go out for a drink. He says NO and looks angry.

I’m a little surprised but I don’t feel guilty at all. I was obeying my desire and it didn’t feel like I had a choice. Now I wonder though, if our roles had been reversed, if I was a man pushing into a woman’s space to satisfy my desire, would that woman have had the confidence to say no? Or would I have been able, as a man, to satisfy that lust even more?



            Visual artist, 50s. She is physically fit and has a German accent.
I was raised very pietist which is a kind of Lutheran sect where you have a very close relationship with Jesus. You talk to him about everything, your kind of invisible friend. I remember lying in bed when I was probably six and doing all kinds of things with pillows between my legs and afterwards I felt really awesome and I could fall asleep and I did that every night. Before I started I always felt really bad and afterwards, just before I fell asleep I promised Jesus I would never do this again, every night (laughs).

I didn’t even get what I was doing. I knew that it was totally wrong but I didn’t know what that was. I don’t know why. I had never heard about masturbation. I had never heard that it is bad but I knew it is bad. I think only when I had my first boyfriend I realized that that was sex or had to do with sex.



44 – NARRATOR 4 (to the audience) It’s my first time using a dating app at 29 years old. Tea in the middle of the afternoon in a public place. It’s all worked out to make me feel safe.
45 – MAN (to Narrator) Wow, you’re really nervous.
44 – NARRATOR 4 (to the man) Yes, I am.
45 – MAN (to Narrator) Here
44 – NARRATOR 4 (to the audience) he holds my hand
45 – MAN (to Narrator) Are you okay?
44 – NARRATOR 4 (to the audience) I pull my hand away
44 – NARRATOR 4 (to the man) Yes it’s just
45 – MAN (to Narrator) Close your eyes, I’m going to take you through a relaxation exercise, I’ve had anxiety too
44 – NARRATOR 4 (to the audience) He works at a bank, but apparently has a psychology background he’s using
45 – MAN (to Narrator) Imagine a ball of energy in the center of  your forehead
44 – NARRATOR 4 (to the man) Okay I’ve got it
45 – MAN (to Narrator) What color is it?
44 – NARRATOR 4 (to the man) It’s blue
45 – MAN (to Narrator) Don’t tell me, what temperature is it?
44 – NARRATOR 4 (to the man) Warm.
44 – NARRATOR 4 (to the audience) This is actually helping.
45 – MAN (to Narrator) Focus on the ball of light and let everything else fall away.
44 – NARRATOR 4 (to the audience) The sun is strong today I’m momentarily carried away.  We talk and I sip my chamomile tea
44 – NARRATOR 4 (to the man) I’m writing a play about female sexuality
45 – MAN (to Narrator) Why?
44 – NARRATOR 4  (to the audience) he asks, amused
44 – NARRATOR 4 (to the man) I’m exploring. I’ve felt blocked and
45 – MAN (to Narrator) Maybe I’m meant to help you have a breakthrough
44 – NARRATOR 4 (to the man) I’m talking to women whose life’s work is about sexuality and
45 – MAN (to Narrator) I know women who are in the sex industry.
44 – NARRATOR 4 (to the man) Oh yeah?
45 – MAN (to Narrator) Yeah, and I won’t ever sleep with a sex worker.
44 – NARRATOR 4 (to the man) Why is that?
44 – NARRATOR 4 (to the audience) He smirks
45 – MAN (to Narrator) Why pay for what I can get for free?


Sex and Intimacy Coach, 43 years old. She is wearing glasses and she is high energy and really upbeat.

Guess what? We all live in bodies! (laughs) I mean that’s how we get around, that’s what we’re doing here and so, so to deny that to me just seems so… I would call it criminal. The way that the body is demonized and that we’re sort of shamed into not really supporting ourselves through our bodies.

In my work, I deal with a lot of emotional stuff. People are upset about their relationship, or not having a relationship, or they’re angry at their spouse or partner, and if they’re not being truthful about their emotions… which by the way come out from our bodies. Our emotions are actually physical things, they’re not just feelings, they’re associated with our hormones.

If you’re not into your own body there’s nothing I can do to help you in your relationship and sexuality.


            She has a lilting voice.

My mother lived as a sexual woman way before and perhaps to the exclusion of being a mother so sexuality was my understanding of her. She was a working woman in every sense of the word and part of that work… were her affairs with her bosses. She was a mistress. So, all these almost Hollywoodized… well I saw the humanity of it. I saw the loneliness of it. I saw the desperation of it. I saw the beauty of what was yearned for and the sadness of what was not found. My mother’s last words and this is what always moved me was she always believed in the joy of a penis and a vagina (laughs). So, my mother, who had been beaten, who had been raped, she never gave up her belief in a woman’s right to touch and be touched and she paid a very heavy price for it.

My mother was always on the border, on the border, and my butch-femme women were always on the border and that word has such resonances now.

For me, I only survived my life by touch. It was touch that let my thinking grow.


She’s confident, self-aware, and driven.

When you’re in a partnership sex is different. You know when you’re first together and you’re just fucking… it’s big wild it’s fun and then you get in this relationship and everything shifts so much. You constantly have to be talking to each other and all the conversations aren’t fun. You know all the conversations aren’t great but you’ve got to kind of be willing to keep talking to your partner and you know not making assumptions.

We assume well oh that guy really liked this so he’s really going to like this like a good example of that is the fingering, finger in the butt thing. For guys or even for women not everybody likes that. You gotta ask the questions before you just fucking dive up the deep end you know what I mean? Just because my boyfriend likes sex with other men doesn’t necessarily mean that while we have sex he wants me to finger his ass. You need to be in sync with what your partner likes.


                       She speaks really fast, she’s a New Yorker.

I have this argument with every man that I’ve been in a long-term relationship at the point where it peters out and they’re like, I’m tired! And I’m like do you realize that one day you have to go on Viagra? We have to have as many orgasms as possible by that time (smiling) because otherwise you’re going to look back on your life and you’re going to fucking regret it. You know? (smiles and laughs) It doesn’t work. When they don’t want it they just don’t want it.

I’ve joked with my friends that good sex solves all problems. I know that’s not true but when my friends are going through difficult times I’m like just get laid (laughs). I mean it doesn’t solve my problems but it definitely makes me feel better. I mean chemically it makes lots of people feel better.

There are people who are really not interested in sex at all and so for those people self-love is not about understanding what turns you on but more about understanding that you don’t need to care about what turns you on.